Greetings, kinky fuckers!
Threesomes and unicorns are quite the hot topic at the moment. In my last blog, I wrote about some of the things Mr. Martin and I discuss and negotiate when it comes to threesomes. For those of you that read it, I thank you greatly, and hope you enjoyed it.
I briefly touched on unicorns, but I wanted to explore them in a little more detail: mainly where we find them, what we look for in their personalities, and how we treat them. I even went so far as to have a couple of our unicorns share some of their experiences, and share what they look for in potential couples and playmates. Unicorns are considered by many kinksters and would-be swingers to be a mythical beast - hard to find, hard to catch, hard to keep. We've been very fortunate to have the company of a number of unicorns, and while this isn't an advice piece, we're happy to share with you what's worked for us. First thing's first...
"UNICORN: A bisexual person, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything, or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple" (Thanks, Urban Dictionary).
Based on our lifestyle, our idea of a unicorn encompasses all of the above. We aren't looking for a poly style relationship to have with them. Unicorns are not exclusive to us. Our unicorns are our friends who have lives outside of the time they spend with us. And it's been like this from the start. Our unicorns want the same thing we do because we all realise that having sex is a great source of pleasure and entertainment, and a great opportunity to continue down the path of self-discovery.
So, where did we find them? Mr. Martin and I were fortunate enough to find a couple of unicorns through Fetlife, through a friend, and even one from a gym. If you don't already have a Fetlife account, (and you're a kinky fucker), make haste and start yourself a profile. The benefit of using Fetlife is that people are far more likely to have open, honest, friendly conversations with you about what you're looking for than they might in other forums. Their profiles will often clearly state what they're interested in so you can politely cut to the chase when searching.There are also groups you can join specifically to find the perfect unicorn for your dynamic. For the Aussie readers, AMM (Adult Match Maker) is a site you can try. People, don't forget about the countless apps you can try out too.
I asked a couple of our unicorns where the best place to find people like them was, and here's what they had to say:
Sexy Unicorn 1: "Everywhere! I guess an easy place to start is Fetlife. In that forum, I guess it's a more acceptable topic of conversation. I think also a kink style event or club is a good place as it's not exactly a curve ball to engage in conversations about threesomes. Just make sure that it's something the other person is interested in before you start going into any details. Personally, I think even if I was out at a bar, I wouldn't be offended or upset by a couple 'hitting' on me, if they were so inclined. I would just recommend being really clear that you and your partner BOTH think she/he is hot/sexy/beautiful/fuck-able, and just be polite. (In the end though - is anyone really offended by a stranger saying, "hey both my partner and I think you're gorgeous.")"
Sexy Unicorn 2: "Adult dating sites, or Fetlife, is how I've been approached in the past. I wouldn't be opposed to being approached at a kink/fetish event, or swingers party."
So, what do we look for in potential play-mates? A few things. We look for like-minded, mature, emotionally stable people who are friendly, polite, and attractive, to us. We look for people who are happy to be a booty-call from time to time, or just hang out with us. We look for people who understand and respect that Mr. Martin and I are a package deal. We read profiles. We ask questions. We pay attention to vibes and gut-feelings. And what do our unicorns look for?
Sexy Unicorn 1: "I look for the couple to take the lead, but bear in mind I'm a submissive type. I think that's the easiest way to make sure you're not stepping over a line. I look to actually get along with them, having the basis for a potential friendship definitely makes me feel more relaxed. I suppose in the end the kind of relationship that I aim for with couples is one that resembles "friends with benefits," (minus the whole thing where eventually one falls in love with the other and admits it while wearing a white t-shirt, standing on a bridge in the rain). They would be just two people who you can hang out with, chat with, laugh with, and occasionally sleep with. Meetup wise, it can sometimes feel like a first date, but instead of trying to get to know one person, you're trying to get to know two, so that can be a little overwhelming. I like to meet in a public space, but quiet enough that you can actually have a conversation. I never go into a first meet up expecting anything other than conversation. I find setting that expectation before you meet takes a little bit of the pressure off, (although every time I've set this expectation it hasn't always panned out that way...)."
Sexy Unicorn 2: "I trust my instinct so if I get any kind of creepy vibe, deal is off. I'm looking for easy flowing conversation, (not necessarily all about sex!). I'm looking to talk to both partners to ensure everyone is on the same page, and respects my boundaries - such as meet up in a public place first, and of course some mutual chemistry and attraction!"
The way Mr. Martin and I treat our unicorns is such that they want to return the next time we extend an invitation. No unicorn wants to see you battle unresolved issues with your partner in crime, so make sure you sort your shit out long before you invite your unicorn over, (see You, and Me & She Makes Three blog). We make an effort to ensure they enjoy our company as much as we enjoy theirs.
Sexy Unicorn 1: "Ultimately as a friend - respectful, kind and lovingly. For me as well though, I need to feel wanted by both people. A reassuring check-in message the next day is always a good idea. Sometimes I can feel a little "dirty," ( in the negative sense of the word), so just a message to say, "Hey! We had lots of fun last night. Hope you did too. Have a great day at work," helps to negate those kinds of thoughts. I should add - for me, I know that the most important thing in the situation is the relationship between the couple. I'm there to have fun with you both and, yes, I would like to feel like you want me there, but not at the expense of the "core relationship." If at any stage anyone is uncomfortable or upset, everything should stop, and we should talk about why. An orgasm isn't worth ruining a relationship over. And as always - Open, honest communication is key."
Sexy Unicorn 2: "Mutual respect, open communication, honesty, and transparency are super important. I definitely need a connection with my play partners, so I want to be treated and appreciated as a person, not just a toy brought in to spice up a relationship."
It's all pretty simple really. Not a whole lot to it. There are 3 people playing, and everyone wants and a deserves respect and fairness. The legend goes that you can only catch a unicorn of you're pure of heart. But really all you need to be is considerate.