During the past few weeks I've met loads of people at kink market events - everyone from those who are very new to the kinky lifestyle to the veterans that have been around for years and are a wealth of knowledge and experience. As a newbie, deciding to explore the world of kink is super exciting. There are endless possibilities of kinky combinations to navigate - an assortment of fetishes, BDSM, D/s, latex - you name it!
When I decided that this was the sort of lifestyle for me, I was fortunate enough to have met Mr. Martin. He helped me find my place in the grand scheme of our relationship, and together we have mapped our direction based on our kinks and our needs. There were some things that we decided to have in each of our quivers to help us healthily maintain the kinky lifestyle we love so much; after all it's probably the biggest part of who we are. I thought I'd share some of the things we've done that have helped shape our kinky lifestyle. Whether you're a total newbie to living a kinky lifestyle, or you've hit expert level kink master, these are some of the things we've done to guide us along our kinky journey.
1. CREATE A FETLIFE PROFILE
Creating a Fetlife profile was one of the most useful things I did when I started out in the world of kink. Sure, you'll come across the occasional douchebag, but you'll also get to know, and even meet, like-minded folk who have assorted kinks and experiences. You can join groups that discuss specific kinks/fetishes, as well as find out about events in your local area to attend if you want to get out into the local kink community. It's free to join, but the option to upgrade your account is available for a small monthly fee. Visit www.fetlife.com to create your profile, if you don't already have one.
2. OWN A PM LEATHER HOBBLE BELT
What can I say? - I love 'em! I've owned one of these long before I joined Mr. Martin in spreading leathery love all over the world. I'm a leather lover, and I'm also a bondage lover, so a PM Leather hobble belt was the perfect combination. Having a hobble belt on hand means that you can quickly and easily bind your lover and get down to business. It literally takes seconds to transform this regular fashion belt in a set of cuffs when the occasion calls for it. If your're a novice, these belts are great for introductory level bondage. And if you're an expert, the possibilities are endless.
3. OWN A VIBRATOR
Vibrators are a must have to explore all sorts of play. If you're engaging in a D/s scene, using a vibrator to play around with orgasm denial can be lots of fun. On the flip side, if you want your lover to experience multiple orgasms during your play session, this is a great way to do it. The great things about vibrators is that you don't even need a lover to use them with. Going solo is fun. (click here to read my blog about getting your own rocks off).
If Shibari is an area of bondage that's appealing to you, having rope or silks in your kit is a must. More often when it comes to this sort of bondage, it's the journey of the tie that's most rewarding and satisfying, rather than the end result. It's a great way to connect with your lover, or even just to practice your knot tying skills for when that rope-bunny comes along. Through Shibari, you may even discover your desires for suspension. Who knows?!
For sensory deprivation play, blindfolds are a great place to start. The feeling of vulnerability is heightened when your lover can't see whats going on, and teamed up with a bit of bondage, your play session can be be quite spectacular. If you wanted to step things up a notch, you could invest in a full hood, (with or without mouth hole). Pop some headphones on as well, and voila! Hear no evil. See no evil. Just feel it!
6. SAVAGE LOVECAST SUBSCRIPTION/ACCESS
This podcast is probably one of the most life-changing ones I've come across. Mr. Martin and I recommend it to everyone. Dan Savage is the host, and he takes questions from callers all over the world about anything sex and relationship related, some vanilla and some extremely taboo. He's honest with his responses, and places a great deal of importance on compatibility in relationships. We learn so much each time we listen to an episode. Click here to check it out.
7. SOMETHING FOR IMPACT PLAY
Impact play is probably one of the most common types of play that gets the juices flowing for a lot of people. Coupled with bondage and psychological domination, impact play can often be the cherry on top of a fabulous cake. Tools for impact play don't have to be extravagant. Often times a simple flat-back hairbrush will do the trick. An assortment of paddles, whips and floggers are available too, to help you achieve those little yelps of pain and leave the colourful marks of accomplishment on your partner.
8. A BUTT PLUG
Anal play is something that has always intrigued me. Whilst I'm no expert with giant butt plugs, I do like to wear the occasional small-fry for that feeling of fullness during sex. If it's something that sparks your interest, start with a small butt plug and take it from there. Ensure it has a nice, broad base so you don't have to worry about it getting sucked up into your colon - a trip to the ER is not how you want to spend your play session... or maybe it is - whatever does it for you! There are some great beginner's kits available if this is something you're keen to explore, but not quite sure where to start.
9. QUALITY LUBE
Lube is so often overlooked, but if there's one thing I took away from the movie Evolution, it's that there's always time for lubricant, and that you can never have too much of it, especially if you're into anal play. When it comes to lube, cheap and nasty isn't the way to go. Water based lubes are generally the way to go for vaginal use, and silicon lubes are great for anal play. Check out brands such as Wicked, Swiss Navy, and Pjur.
10. BE PREPARED TO USE YOUR SAFE WORD
Lastly, it's all well and good to have a safe word, but if you're not listening to your body you may end up doing more harm than good during your play session. If you need to, ovary-up and use it. They are there to keep you safe from extreme harm so that you may live to fuck another day. There is no shame in using your safe word, and if someone makes you feel ashamed for using it, well they can just fuck right off.
To this day, all of these things remain in our kinky tool box. We've added stuff like lingerie, uniform specifics, a corset and other bits n pieces along the way for some extra added spice, and you can do the same. Hopefully your kinky tool box will allow you the opportunity to discover things about yourself you may not have already known.
Until next time,
keep it kinky, sexy fuckers.